Crying Like a baby dot com

I am such an idiot!

Had a really great day today finished work early so I didn't have to do the full 8 days in a row and it ended up being just 7 1/2 days in a row! Wahoo

My sister picked me up from work and she had bought me a pair of new jeans in a size 18 long leg bootcut, when I held them up to myself I was thinking they're not going to fit, they look too small (crooked thinking!) and I went to try them on and they fit they do up nicely and feel like amazing, compared to the trouser tents I have been wearing the past 4 weeks!

So that was nice, coped while she cooked dinner and even helped peel carrots and things.

Chris came home said my jeans look good, but then he started cooking his tea. It was stew and it smelt so nice and when he brought it in to eat it in front of the telly I just started to cry. I wanted some, I really, really wanted some the carrots looked amazing it smelt like it was trying to send me insane and yet I can't have it. I cried alot - over a stupid stew! Who woulda thought that leeks and carrots and peas and beans could be so upsetting, almost on the verge of heartbreaking!

I envy every person who has ever done and survived on this diet. And anyone who has ever given up smoking or drugs. If I had a hat, I would take it off.

Dreamt I was a chef in a top restaurant last night, I was skinny, under a lot of pressure and making the most amazing looking foods I have ever seen! That was fun for a bit. I especially liked the little chef outfit I was wearing the trousers were pink and white squares.

Got annoyed at my niece today as I told her to go and make herself a sandwich for her lunch, she is nearly 13 years old and she came in with none other than a bloody CRISP Sandwich... I was like... 'what the hell is that?!' I can't believe she thought she was getting that one by me! I made her go and boil some eggs and bin the crisps and have an egg sarnie instead... insanity.

I feel a bit like this diet is my whole life, I spend all my time thinking about it, how I am doing how much I need to lose this week to stay on track, how big my arse is, how I have no clothes. It has taken over my life, I know it is going to have to in some respects in order to change everything, but it seems crazy, I can't string a sentence together without dieting blowing its way in!

Anyway big fat diary, I thought I would share with you that... fat is a big deal.

If I am not worrying about being fat, what will I worry about?

Emotional Roller coaster ride...

Tonight was really hard. Writing a time line of my to pin point weight gain areas. It was really tough.

Will maybe share it at some point but feel a bit on the knackered side.

Though on the plus side I am only 3lb's away from losing 3 stone and that is a big thing for me. My first goal was to lose 2 stone by valentines day and I smashed that and I haven't really thought about another goal or my other goals since I started. So four and a half by Easter I think is pretty realistic and achievable.

Feeling blue and dabadeedabade a bit and I know that it's because I am gonna have to deal with the issues and contributing factors to weight gain.

Negative comments of only 3.5lbs, 'It's not really working for you is it?', you could lose that just going to the gym every week don't help. I might lose that going to the gym, but I would still be eating in the same way, not knowing why the hell it was that I put it on in the first place.

I am taking a step back now anyway, I have found my hip bones and that is enough to keep me going for the next week. Tomorrow is a busy day got a lot to get done and at the end of that though is a two day rest. Where I plan to do fun stuff and go to the beautician.

Nobody is going to get me down this is my diet my life my journey, and you know what no I am not enjoying it. But I also don't enjoy the thought of being hit by a car or having a heart attack and the ambulance people not being able to lift me. So I shall do what I have got to do and just get on with it.

Is singing and dancing...

Thank god I am feeling better today , I was starting to actually hate myself a little bit this week!

Just had mega big time grumps and complete obsession head on! Fish... pickled onions... carrot, beef... bloody witch with the nagging... what a biatch!

Had really vivid food dreams as well, inventing mexican style lasagne's and tear and share breads.

On Friday I had the hottest bath in the world to try and make me feel a bit better, It did a wee bit.

Worked hard at the gym with Donna on Thursday and was grateful for her support as I think I burnt more calories bitching and moaning than I did on the equipment!!

*avert eyes now if want to*

Actually managed to bring myself to get undressed and changed in front of Chris this week too, getting nakie never really been one of my finer moments but did it and got skinny compliments too! Not quite skinny yet but on the way to success!!

Have got to buy new Jeans and I will on Friday as it will be pay day hurrah!

The weekend seemed to come early for me this week, I have only had one day off work as well, so it makes the day time easier, but evenings suck.

Went to bed at 7.20pm on Saturday night and slept for 11 hours felt like some kind of princess this morning... slept for a hundred years stylee!!

Really looking forward to Monday as ever and tonight I dedicate this song to the first pair of size 12 Jeans I ever buy...

Sing it Brian Adams...

I don't look good in no Armani Suits
No Gucci shoes - or designer boots
I've tried the latest lines from A to Z
But there's just one thing that looks good on me

The only thing I want
The only thing I need
The only thing I choose
The only thing that looks good on me...is you

I'm not satisfied with Versace style
Put those patent leather pants - in the circular file
Sometimes I think - I might be lookin' good
But there's only one thing that fits me like it should

The only thing I want
The only thing I need
The only thing I choose
The only thing that looks good on me...is you

Ya it's you - it could only be you
Nobody else will ever do
Ya baby it's you - that I stick to
Ya we stick like glue

The only thing I want
The only thing I need
The only thing I choose
The only thing that looks good on me...is you

A quickety quick updatey like thing...

Good Times First...

Last Thursday Donna and I went to the Gym at the Leisure centre and worked our butts off. Quite literally I could feel the fat men running away... I jest. But we did work hard, I managed to Row and Talk at the same time, so excuse me if I am a little bit impressed at the multitaskedness of our gym visit! When we left after like an hour and twenty minutes I felt sooo super great ... but come Friday bring on that little book of crooked thinking!

Friday I was off work and felt a bit 'boo hoo oooh woe is me I can't eat anything.' So I didn't get up, all day I showered then went back to bed and read not one but two books... bonus is they were great books :O) Gotta love kids books (not picture books, teenage fiction!)

Saturday was great while I was at work which is usually the case... far too busy to think about eating, sipped my water all day and was a happy little bunny. Got home started my period again... so that is two in two weeks, this better not be occurring often! But I obviously thought the world is ending and that it was going to just be one great big period to the end!

Compliments, clothes and other big big things!

Red text for blushing!

Compliments...

Today I have had a nice compliment from two staff members, and two friends. So thank you thank you again to all those complimenters there are out there :O)

Clothes...

Today in my drawers I cam across a pair of unworn never been fitted in combat trousers bought dellusionally thinking I would fit in them, only realising that 'doi, when you are a size 24 you don't fit in size 18 trousers!'

Ok so that was when I knew it was time to lose weight, which I did I got down to a size 22 before deciding that lighter life is the life for me. I thought 'just for fun I will try these bad boys on, after all they cost me enough from Debenhams!'

One leg in looked alright, second leg in, pulled them up OMG I got them over my fat arse and not only that... THEY DID UP!! I took them back off tore the tag out and hoiked them back on again and wore the beauties all day! :O) WAHOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

Big, big things...

So talking of my arse, someone stood behind me today and noticed that it is in fact smaller - what a delight I turned smiled and thanked (through only slightly embarassed and gritted teeth!

I think I may have passed a little Thinspiration along as well as someone I know is interested in the diet through seeing my small success so far.

Good times I am having good good times...

Shell x

Food Porn and Jelly Fish

Discovering Jelly again was so exciting it actually hurt a little bit inside, at first I was like nooooooo I dont want to share it with you, then I decided I would give him a try.

Today I also tried other things from the foodpack ideas and they weren't so good chicken soup crisps and vegetable soup burger lol not good - thank god for Jelly and Toffee Nut though.

As for the food porn I have been thinking about why I am doing it and looking at the Good Food Website. I cooked things from it yesterday and today for chris for his tea. I think I want to change his diet to what I want to be eating, so that its not a huge change when I star RTM in 20 odd weeks time.

I had a dream last night that a giant carrot was chasing me!

Loving the inches lost :O) xxx